I'm not sure I'm terribly fond with the idea of identifying myself by what I'm not, rather than what I am. Nevertheless, not believing in a god still requires some sort of definition I think, particularly when it comes to times in the year where a large majority of the people in the country I happen to find myself celebrate their religiosity to the point that it absolutely pervades the culture. Christmas is the obvious example in most Western countries. So I find myself wondering - how should I as humanist celebrate christmas? Or rather, SHOULD I celebrate it? I guess the question really is, what am I celebrating? The answer? Nothing. So why celebrate at all?
I think I am getting comfortable with the fact that christmas for me represents a time of family, a time to take pause and reflect, particularly with respect to the year that has just passed. Christmas on the day itself is purely a tradition - it's a time for me to gather around a tree, eat some fantastic food, catch up with my family all in one space, and just be merry. It could be any day of the year really - and were I a more militant atheist, I might suggest that the day not be shared with one that is earmarked for christians. But that would be silly. Anybody should be allowed to celebrate whatever they want on whatever day they want - and christmas should mean whatever one wants it to mean.
The challenge arises when the religiosity seeps into the otherwise enjoyable time of christmas. The inevitable questions of 'are you going to midnight mass', and my answer being met with overt disaproval from one side of the family. Not that I give a monkey's... but I just wish my non-believing were a bit more accepted, and that I shouldn't require people to 'say a prayer for me'. What a load of tosh really...
I noticed that some atheist organisations hold secular gatherings at christmas. Sounds like a bonnie idea, but I don't know if it's for me really. I don't really feel that I'm missing anything by not going to a church, aside from the fact that it's a time that could otherwise be spent with those in my family who do... but what's an hour or two?
So what's an atheist christmas? It's whatever you want to make of it really - just as is the rest of your life. And I can't wait to share some hugs and laughs with those I love, irrespective of where they choose to spend their time on christmas eve.
26 October 2008
20 October 2008
DIY
There's something warm and squishy about building stuff, and since coming to Aberdeen, I'd forgotten about that feeling. With my head perpetually stuck in the books, I guess that's to be expected. But going out, buying some wood, a paint brush, and a saw, and actually making a functional pantry for us gave me such a great sense of accomplishment.
At the same time though, it brought back my profound desire to own a place that I can call 'mine', where I can have a wee workshop and fix the place up to my own standards, where I don't have to ask permission from a landlord. One day, I know... but I'm just so looking forward to it! It'll probably be a while - maybe after a post-doc? But therein lies my internal struggle - my goal conflict if you will. To a certain extent, I see myself as career driven, not for the career itself, but because I enjoy what I do, and getting paid to do this is amazing. But this chosen career path is certainly not the most lucrative of the possible options I could have taken. So on the one hand I'm putting in place the building blocks for a career that will allow me to spend my days getting paid for doing what I love, but the time it takes to establish those blocks push back further the timeline for Leigh and I to get the house and the dog.
But maybe this is just me making unrealistic social comparisons by having expectations for where I 'should' be relative to others that are my age. But whose to say there is a need for a normative way of life - surely my life so far has been pretty far from normal.
In the end, I guess it's about figuring out what 'my' normal is, and keeping my chin up with an eye to the goals that I know I can achieve. The house and the dog will come. Until then, I'll be content with building pantries.
At the same time though, it brought back my profound desire to own a place that I can call 'mine', where I can have a wee workshop and fix the place up to my own standards, where I don't have to ask permission from a landlord. One day, I know... but I'm just so looking forward to it! It'll probably be a while - maybe after a post-doc? But therein lies my internal struggle - my goal conflict if you will. To a certain extent, I see myself as career driven, not for the career itself, but because I enjoy what I do, and getting paid to do this is amazing. But this chosen career path is certainly not the most lucrative of the possible options I could have taken. So on the one hand I'm putting in place the building blocks for a career that will allow me to spend my days getting paid for doing what I love, but the time it takes to establish those blocks push back further the timeline for Leigh and I to get the house and the dog.
But maybe this is just me making unrealistic social comparisons by having expectations for where I 'should' be relative to others that are my age. But whose to say there is a need for a normative way of life - surely my life so far has been pretty far from normal.
In the end, I guess it's about figuring out what 'my' normal is, and keeping my chin up with an eye to the goals that I know I can achieve. The house and the dog will come. Until then, I'll be content with building pantries.
7 October 2008
baffled and boggled boy
I get caught up in my own life too much. Which is a shame, because I realised a while ago that what I really enjoy is talking to people about their lives - their goals, where they want to be, and what they are doing to get there. But deadlines and workaholic tendencies tend to override that interest.
Nevertheless, I was pleasantly boggled and baffled this evening. And it only took a wee tweak in perception. It isn't the first time I've realised this - but it affects me every time. And I love it.
I looked out the living room window, at the facade of the adjacent building: windows surrounded by the ubiquitous Aberdeen granite. Not very exiting. But the windows! Or rather, the lives that go on just beyond them. And therein lies my sense of wonder and amazement. On the other side of those panes of glass, whole lives are being lived. Laughs, heartache, stress, love, boredom, excitement. Everything. Self-evident, of course... but wondrous nevertheless!
I can't decide if it makes me feel small or big. Probably both.
Wouldn't it be lovely to have tea with the characters behind those windows, and see what they're all about?
Nevertheless, I was pleasantly boggled and baffled this evening. And it only took a wee tweak in perception. It isn't the first time I've realised this - but it affects me every time. And I love it.
I looked out the living room window, at the facade of the adjacent building: windows surrounded by the ubiquitous Aberdeen granite. Not very exiting. But the windows! Or rather, the lives that go on just beyond them. And therein lies my sense of wonder and amazement. On the other side of those panes of glass, whole lives are being lived. Laughs, heartache, stress, love, boredom, excitement. Everything. Self-evident, of course... but wondrous nevertheless!
I can't decide if it makes me feel small or big. Probably both.
Wouldn't it be lovely to have tea with the characters behind those windows, and see what they're all about?
6 October 2008
a bit of self-talk
Funny thing this PhD. Things will clear up; they have a tendency to do so. But at the moment, I'm feeling lost, in limbo, in need of a clear plan. Where's my 'X' marks the spot? Why does the dotted line to that 'X' always seem to change? Is that the nature of the science?
I feel like I spend my time applying for money. The good thing about that is that I'm getting good at saying what it is that I want to do. The frustrating thing is that it takes time away from actually getting on and doing it! Nature of the beast I guess. Could be much worse - why do I moan about the fortunate life I have? 'People' would say it's all relative, but still. I shouldn't complain.
Head down. This feeling of limbo is just another challenge. It will make me stronger.
(has my self-efficacy gone up a point on the Likert scale yet?)
I feel like I spend my time applying for money. The good thing about that is that I'm getting good at saying what it is that I want to do. The frustrating thing is that it takes time away from actually getting on and doing it! Nature of the beast I guess. Could be much worse - why do I moan about the fortunate life I have? 'People' would say it's all relative, but still. I shouldn't complain.
Head down. This feeling of limbo is just another challenge. It will make me stronger.
(has my self-efficacy gone up a point on the Likert scale yet?)
5 October 2008
stochastic nature of behaviour
As a first blog, I don't mean to come off as pretentious, but I suspect I may very well. With a grandiose title such as the one I used, I guess I'm setting myself up from the start. But bollocks to that - maybe I am pretentious. At the least, I hope that my ramblings are of at least a little interest to someone - anyone - besides myself.
So behaviour. From a psychology perspective, this is the be all, end all. From a non-psychology perspective, I suspect that few give it much more than a passing thought. As such, I hope the reader will at the least forgive my pre-occupation with behaviour and at most, perhaps share my wonder at discovering it's intricacies.
Introductions aside, let's move on to the notion of the stochastic nature of behaviour. The word 'stochastic' was unknown to me until very recently, but embodies a concept that I (and am sure the reader) have been mulling in my brain for a while now. It's to do with the concept of randomness.
My (naive) worldview is a deterministic one. In other words, given access to all information, we should be able to predict with 100% accuracy how things will occur. This can be generalised to the vastness of the universe, and degraded down to the movement of atoms. But using behaviour as our focus, the idea of stochasticity is counter to the notion of determinism. It suggests that while a portion of behaviour is indeed predictable (e.g. if I know what you ate for breakfast today, I will have a good chance of predicting what you will eat tomorrow), a portion of it is unpredictable, i.e. random. From a deterministic mindset, seems to be a 'god' variable. It's explaining something by something that is itself unexplainable. Therefore, not helpful. BUT, just because it's not helpful, that doesn't make it not true.
So it's really an empirical question: does human behaviour have an element of stochasticity to it?
To answer the question, I think we need to answer a more fundamental question: can we have access to all the information. If so, and some level of randomness still exists, I would be convinced of the stochastic nature of behaviour. Short of this, we can never be sure that what we know allow for in terms of randomness cannot itself be explained if we had access to a bit more information.
If you're still reading this, and a bit lost, maybe an example will help. Let's say I wanted to predict what you'll eat for breakfast tomorrow, and I had a bit of information about you: age, gender, food preference. These might predict what you eat tomorrow. But if I don't know anything else, then I might conclude that what you choose tomorrow will have an element of randomness. But if I got a bit more information, like what you ate today, or your attitude towards eating breakfast, or your intention to, then the randomness I assumed was there due to my lack of information would be considerably attenuated.
So can behaviour have an element of randomness? I think we are barely scratching the surface on what is knowable - so if it is stochastic, my suspicion is that this will not last.
So behaviour. From a psychology perspective, this is the be all, end all. From a non-psychology perspective, I suspect that few give it much more than a passing thought. As such, I hope the reader will at the least forgive my pre-occupation with behaviour and at most, perhaps share my wonder at discovering it's intricacies.
Introductions aside, let's move on to the notion of the stochastic nature of behaviour. The word 'stochastic' was unknown to me until very recently, but embodies a concept that I (and am sure the reader) have been mulling in my brain for a while now. It's to do with the concept of randomness.
My (naive) worldview is a deterministic one. In other words, given access to all information, we should be able to predict with 100% accuracy how things will occur. This can be generalised to the vastness of the universe, and degraded down to the movement of atoms. But using behaviour as our focus, the idea of stochasticity is counter to the notion of determinism. It suggests that while a portion of behaviour is indeed predictable (e.g. if I know what you ate for breakfast today, I will have a good chance of predicting what you will eat tomorrow), a portion of it is unpredictable, i.e. random. From a deterministic mindset, seems to be a 'god' variable. It's explaining something by something that is itself unexplainable. Therefore, not helpful. BUT, just because it's not helpful, that doesn't make it not true.
So it's really an empirical question: does human behaviour have an element of stochasticity to it?
To answer the question, I think we need to answer a more fundamental question: can we have access to all the information. If so, and some level of randomness still exists, I would be convinced of the stochastic nature of behaviour. Short of this, we can never be sure that what we know allow for in terms of randomness cannot itself be explained if we had access to a bit more information.
If you're still reading this, and a bit lost, maybe an example will help. Let's say I wanted to predict what you'll eat for breakfast tomorrow, and I had a bit of information about you: age, gender, food preference. These might predict what you eat tomorrow. But if I don't know anything else, then I might conclude that what you choose tomorrow will have an element of randomness. But if I got a bit more information, like what you ate today, or your attitude towards eating breakfast, or your intention to, then the randomness I assumed was there due to my lack of information would be considerably attenuated.
So can behaviour have an element of randomness? I think we are barely scratching the surface on what is knowable - so if it is stochastic, my suspicion is that this will not last.
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